Shoeless Security

Recently here in beautiful but ultra rainy/ cloudy Vancouver there have been reports of feet washing onto our coastline. Startled at first to hear about this absurd discovery I discussed the topic with Turtle. I had to explain to her that in Canada people with shoes are in danger as opposed to those who wander the streets free of footwear.

There exists in Vancouver's grimy east side groups of individuals who lack the financial stability to afford decent footwear but live near citizens of the city who reside in a neighbourhood we call gastown which is an upclass part of town. The rich living so close to the poor it's not surprising to see individuals early mornings sleeping at the entrances to these industrial but chic residential buildings.

These people who have lost everything in their lives because they suffer from severe drug addictions, homelessness and for many mental illnesses have now started taking their revenge on the rich who have neglected their poor neighbours for far too long now. Those people who sleep on the streets have at last organized themselves and chosen not to name themselves for doing so would reveal their master plan.

Due to the shame they carry with them at all times they usually have their heads down and so have been self taught to identify different peoples social status based on shoes they're wearing. If you're going to be wearing a nice pair of shoes and decide to walk through the east side than be prepared to have your feet hacked off by the local anti-foot gangs that roam the streets.

To wear flip flops would be a smart decision if walking bare foot is a bit too extreme. However if you do choose to walk bare foot be sure to carry around a flashlight with extra batteries because you don't want to step onto any used needles, glass from broken crack pipes, or get splinters from the regular amount of filth that litters the streets on the east side. If for any reason the poor begin to swarm around you just begin to mumble, than shout than return to mumbling; if this last step is practiced enough than you'll be considered one of them and will most definitely be left alone and with a full pair of feet to walk home with.

"shoeless = feet security" -turtle